Virgin Sure He Will Use All 30 Condoms Collected at Safe-Sex Hall Meeting

CHAPEL HILL, NC- Joseph Ziegler, 19, a freshman living in Granville Towers was thrilled Monday after collecting 30 condoms at a safe-sex themed meeting. Ziegler, who has never had intercourse, loudly stated, “better grab some of these puppies,” before taking a very large handful of Trojan Ultra-Thin condoms from the “condom bowl” provided by his RA, meant to encourage students to have protected sex. Ziegler, who has never seen an exposed breast in real life, was apparently “not sure 30 will be enough” and repeatedly told his hallmates that he had “a bit of a reputation” with the ladies. At press time, Mr. Ziegler, who has never touched a vagina, had decided to put the condoms in a little cabinet in his nightstand in order to ensure “easy access.”

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