DURHAM, NC- Ahead of the matchup between the basketball teams of Duke University and the University of North Carolina, it has been confirmed that the mutilated abomination that resulted from a failed attempt by Coach Mike Krzyzewski to clone Zion Williamson, will play Wednesday night against UNC.
“It’s Duke-Carolina,” said Krzyzewski, “everyone’s looking for that extra edge.” Coach K, who has led the Blue Devils for nearly four decades, reportedly used crude gene technology he found at an abandoned Duke laboratory to attempt to clone the breakout star Zion Williamson. “The cloning didn’t exactly pan out like we thought it would, but this kid can still eat, so we’re gonna let him play tonight.”
“It doesn’t exactly seem fair,” said Roy Williams, head coach of the Tar Heels, “I mean he may have a face on his shoulder and a foot sticking out of his forehead but he’s still 6′ 7″ and 284.” There is no NCAA rule, however, that expressly prohibits the cloning of players, which means Williams will have no choice but to prepare his squad to contain the massive affront to nature.
The mutant clone, which apparently will not survive more than a few weeks due to the utter disaster that is his body, can apparently still complete a 360 dunk and has already declared for the 2019 NBA draft.