CANCÚN, MEXICO- According to sources, Mexico was tight and you really should’ve come.
“It was fucking wild,” said Walt Simmons, a member of the Sigma Nu fraternity who was present for the trip. “We just raged so hard and there’s like no laws there so we just went off.” Simmons went on to add, “Wish you coulda been there dawg. Shit was crazy.”
Reportedly, you missed some classic times with the boys including, but not limited to, when Alex got shitfaced and fought a guy from Canada at the bar and when Charlie finally fucked Tess. “She is so hot dude you shoulda been there,” said Charlie, who returned from Mexico with diarrhea and an unidentified STI.
One night, according to multiple witnesses, Tyler got naked and jumped in the ocean after taking three shots of tequila and Kevin threw up in his own bed and it was fucking hilarious and you totally missed it. You also totally missed the “lit” Four Loko party on the beach where “a ton of Mexican chicks” were grinding on Steve-O.
On the way back everyone “took a stick” before getting on the plane and some old guy bought everyone drinks and the whole plane was “popping off.” Steve-O almost got arrested for disturbing other passengers and it was “so funny” and you totally missed it.
All those who were in Mexico understand that you couldn’t afford a plane ticket and wish you could’ve been there. “You gotta come out next year,” said Walt Simmons, who tried cocaine for the first time while in Cancún and can’t remember any of the trip.