“I Don’t Feel So Good, Mr. Krzyzewski” Says Zion Before Dissolving Into Dust

WAHINGTON D.C.- Zion Williamson, the wildly talented freshman forward, dissolved into dust late Sunday after Duke’s 68-67 Elite Eight loss to Michigan State. Zion, who would have been one of the most lucrative prospects in the history of the NBA Draft, reportedly said “I don’t feel so good” to Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski before he dissipated into the void.

It seems that after Michigan State coach Tom Izzo snapped his fingers and released Cassius Winston onto the court, most of Duke’s highly-praised team of top recruits began to disintegrate. “Zion was able to hold on for a little, but, in the end, Izzo took him too,” said Coach K, who had a single tear still welled up in his eye, “I suppose they really meant it when they said he’d be a one and done.”

Reportedly, Zion’s ashes will be paid $300 million to play for the Denver Nuggets.

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