REPORT: That One Girl Is Going to Totally Fuck Up the Curve

CHAPEL HILL, NC- Eyewitnesses in the Tuesday-Thursday section of Chem 262 confirmed, Thursday, that that one girl is “gonna totally fuck the curve” for the whole class.

“She always answers like all the questions,” said Alicia Phillips, a junior chem major. “Like nobody else even talks.” According to Phillips and others, the girl always comes to class and sits “right there in the front.” She also, reportedly, takes notes and goes to office hours.

“Like what the fuck,” said Mark Smith, who got a C- on the midterm. “I heard she got a 100 like fuck you. I would’ve gotten like a B with a curve but she fucked it man.”

The professor of the class, Dr. Kelly West, apparently unaware of the gross injustice taking place in her classroom, told the class, Tuesday, that if anyone “needed good study tips,” they should ask that girl.

At press time, students in the class announced that, in protest, nobody will share the final study guide Google Doc with that girl.

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