GREENSBORO, NC- Excited to finally have you, her beloved and only son, home from college, your mom would like to know if you want to go to Target with her. “Just to grab a few things and get you some new shorts,” said your mom who has been desperate to spend time with you for several months and also needs to get groceries.
“You don’t have to try anything on,” assures your mom, aware that having to try things on is your least favorite thing and that you always “get difficult” whenever you are taken shopping. “Go with her,” said your dad, who has planned a day of watching daytime ESPN, “she just wants a chance to mother you.”
“We used to go on errands together all the time,” said your mother, “you were my little buddy.” In a clear attempt to rouse a feeling of nostalgia in you, she continued saying “remember when you could fit into the little basket in the cart?”
According to sources, it will only take 45 minutes and then you can keep watching Netflix or go hang out with your high school friends.
At press time, your mom was getting in the car and you could join her if you’d like but you’d better hurry.