Junior to Return From Summer With Bit of Chest Hair

CHARLOTTE, NC- Early reports indicated, Friday, that rising Junior Daniel Forsyth will return to Chapel Hill in August with a bit of chest hair. “He’s really starting to look like a man!,” said Daniel’s mom, Carol Forsyth. “We were so worried that it’d never happen but there it is! Oooh I’m so proud of my little man!”

The nascent growth was first noted by Daniel’s friend and roommate Warren Evans who, while vacationing at Forsyth’s lake house, commented, “shit man, you got a little bush going.”

Daniel, who hit puberty around the start of 10th grade and has always been a step behind his peers in terms of physical development, was reportedly delighted at the news. “I just kinda feel mature now I guess,” said Forsyth, who wore pool shirts until he was 18. “Chicks definitely are into the dad bod so this chest hair should kinda turn around for me this year,” said Forsyth. As of Friday evening, the chicks have declined to comment.

The chest hair, which occupies around a third of Forsyth’s total chest area and has yet to take on any defined curl or recognizable texture or shape, has driven Forsyth to purchase several button-downs that allow for him to “kinda show it off.”

The one negative development, according to Forsyth, is that the gold chain crucifix he wears around his neck at all times has become entangled in his new chest hair on several occasions. “It hurts to pull out but it’s worth it though,” said Forsyth.

Excited about his step toward outwardly visible manhood, Forsyth will be distraught to discover that all his closest friends plan to return to campus with beards.

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