REPORT: Everyone Went Back to Chapel Hill Without You and They’re All Having Fun

CHAPEL HILL, NC- Oh no! It looks like all of your friends collectively decided to ignore government and university recommendations for social distancing and have all returned to Chapel Hill without you to have fun. You’re such an idiot for going home and trying to avoid human contact! Everyone is having such a great time and you’re missing it! Well, that’s a shame. Sorry you didn’t get the memo, but have fun talking to your parents about what you’re going to do when you graduate for the next three months.

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