Every Building at UNC to be Renamed “Carolina Hall”

CAROLINA HALL- In an effort to avoid controversy, every building on UNC’s campus is to be renamed “Carolina Hall.” The plans were revealed shortly after the Board of Trustees voted to lift the 16-year Moratorium on renaming campus buildings. “We feel this is the best way to say Carolina cares about equality, while also saving a hell of a lot of time, money, and moral effort,” said BOT member Don Kiersten.

“We’re aware that this may cause a degree of confusion for incoming first-years, and anyone else who ever comes to campus, but we feel it is the only way we can ensure our University’s racist past will be entirely ignored,” said Kiersten. UNC’s campus currently features 30+ buildings named after slaveowners or avowed white supremacists including Kenan Stadium, Aycock Residence Hall and many more. Students have long called for the University to change these names, and finally some action is being taken.

In 2015, the Board of Trustees voted to change the name of Saunders Hall, named for KKK Leader William Laurence Saunders to “Carolina Hall,” but instituted a 16-year ban on renaming further buildings quickly afterward. “That change seems to have gone over pretty well,” said BOT member Mark McCuthell, “so now that the moratorium is lifted, I think doing that same thing a couple dozen more times ought to make everyone happy. “Carolina” is just such a great, neutral name. Plus, it really rolls off the tongue!”

“That’s right, students will live in Carolina Halls 1-32 and classes will be held in Carolina Halls 32-84. Most administrative tasks with be conducted in Carolina Halls 85-97, and food will be served in Carolina Halls 98-100,” said Board of Governors member Charles Teague. “We figure this is the perfect way to avoid ever having any controversy on campus about race again,” continued Teague, “and we hope students can finally just walk from Carolina Hall to Carolina Hall without ever feeling unwelcome.”

The reversal of the name-change moratorium came largely as the result of a petition which can be found here: https://www.change.org/p/the-university-of-north-carolina-at-chapel-hill-board-of-trustees-repeal-the-16-year-freeze-on-renaming-campus-buildings-at-unc-chapel-hill?signed=true. So far, nearly 10,000 individuals have signed, and are demanding rapid change.

The Board of Trustees, in an effort to prove its commitment, will also pay for a small plaque to be placed somewhere on campus describing how and why they did such a good job in making this decision.

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