Zoom Confirms That You Are, In Fact, As Ugly As You Always Thought

ZOOM- A Zoom call early Tuesday confirmed that you are, in fact, as ugly as you always thought you were deep down. “I was really hoping my perception of my face was warped by some kind of insecurity or repressed self-hatred, but, as it turns out, I am just not good-looking,” you realized this morning as you stared at your own camera feed while your boss tried to tell you about your responsibilities for the day.

For years you have suspected you may not be as attractive as others, but you always had the subtle hope that you may have simply been under-appreciated. As of today’s video call, however, no doubt can remain that you are, by every objective measure, hideous. “Even the ‘Touch Up My Appearance’ setting seems to just make me look worse not better,” you realized as you desperately tried to adjust the lighting in your room before realizing the futility of such a measure.

“People always told me my nose worked for my face,” you thought to yourself. Zoom has now confirmed that all these people were simply lying to make you feel better. As a result, you decided to resign yourself to an ugly and sexless life.

“How are the other people in this meeting even looking at me?” you thought, before realizing that everyone else on the call was equally fixated on the horror of their own appearances and had not acknowledged your presence at all.

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