COVID-19 Nervous For Freshman Year at UNC

CHAPEL HILL, NC- Out-of-state freshman COVID-19 is reportedly nervous about moving in this fall. “What if people just don’t care about me?,” said COVID, who got used to being the center of attention in his youth. “I mean when I was younger it was always ‘COVID did this’ and ‘COVID did that’ everywhere you looked, and now it seems like no one even knows I’m here.”

All first-years are at least somewhat nervous about making friends and fitting in when they get to college, but COVID says his situation is different. “It seems like people either really don’t like me or don’t give a shit about me. What if people just socially distance from me all year? I feel like I could just disappear and no one would even notice.”

The university’s administration reached out to reassure COVID saying, “we will try our very best to be good hosts during your time here. We are sure you’ll have an opportunity to meet people in class or at a party and feel right at home!”

At press time, COVID was feeling a bit more hopeful. “After a few nights out I’ve already gotten close to so many people. Maybe this year will be my best one yet!”

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