Stupid Dumb Idiot Has Hope

CHAPEL HILL, NC- Area halfwit Derek Thomas is reportedly hopeful about this semester at UNC turning out to be “fun, productive and safe.” Thomas, who is a simpleton, says he has really seen his fellow students trying to act responsibly and believes that “if we all just work together” the university will be able to safely maintain in-person instruction.

The imbecile continued this hopeful sentiment saying, “I really think the UNC community is stronger than this pandemic, and that if we just focus on doing what’s right for our peers then we will succeed.” Despite being a total ignoramus, Thomas has been able to find fun and safe ways of hanging out with his friends while socially distancing and wearing a mask. “I have found I can have a full UNC experience without breaking the rules,” said the obtuse jackass.

After several clusters of COVID-19 were reported at UNC Saturday, the vacuous, doltish idiot Thomas told the press, “I still think it will all work out!”

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