“All Press Is Good Press” Says UNC Public Relations Official to Self Over and Over

CHAPEL HILL, NC- Greg Sanders, an official with the UNC Office of Communications and Public Affairs who has been dealing with the fallout from UNC’s abrupt announcement that in-person classes are cancelled yesterday, has been repeating the mantra “all press is good press… all press is good press…” over and over and over for the last six and a half hours.

“We’re a little concerned about him,” said his colleague Mary Roberts. “This morning he just yelled ‘Oh, cool! The front page of the Times!’ and then went into some kind of fugue state. Then he just yelled ‘ALL PRESS IS GOOD PRESS’ and ran out the door.”

Sanders, whose typical job is to draft University press releases, was then spotted wandering aimlessly around campus stuffing copies of the Daily Tar Heel into his pants.

The last sighting of the unhinged employee was around 4:00 pm Tuesday. The delirious Sanders was reportedly sprinting down Franklin Street and could be heard yelling, “It’s all gonna be just fine! Roadmap! Clusterfuck! HA HA! No need to panic! Off ramp!! Front page! Times! Good press!!!!!!”

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