CHAPEL HILL, NC- After announcing a revised schedule for the Fall 2020 semester amidst the COVID-19 pandemic, UNC Health officials have released a set of guidelines for students returning in August. These guidelines contain recommendations for social distancing including a clear advisory statement imploring students to “avoid engaging in more than 3 dance floor makeouts per weekend, if at all possible.”

The statement does recognize, however, that some makeouts are “essential and unavoidable,” such as when Derek is about to leave Bob’s, or when Rebecca has been pretty lonely lately. Dr. Emily Grieg of UNC Student Health states that “in these cases, we recognize that a makeout may simply have to occur, but students should try to limit the time of exposure during each makeout session to under 3-5 consecutive minutes.” The guidelines urge UNC students to self-regulate by keeping an eye on their friends when they go out. “If you can prevent even one dance floor makeout,” said Grieg, “you very well may be saving a life. If you detect any sloppiness or flirtatious touching, it is your responsibility to get involved.”

At press time, area bar Might As Well announced its intention to designate a special plexiglass box where any potential makeouts will be allowed to occur only after each student is checked for a fever.